i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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