What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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