By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
