it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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