omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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