i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
