talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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