Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
