we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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