Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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