I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
