shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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