its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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