Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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