So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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