her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
