Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
