my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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