I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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