I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
