My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
