Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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