it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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