glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
