I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
