I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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