my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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