'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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