I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
