Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
