I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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