It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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