standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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