hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
