farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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