After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
