you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
