It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
