Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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