I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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