is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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