she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
