Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
