i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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