Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
