ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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