Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
