Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
