Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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