do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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