I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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