id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm too high and old for this...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
