I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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