amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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