i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
