They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
