I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
