there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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