he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
