we need to drink 2009 down the drain
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
