Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
