the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
