I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
