just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
