You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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