uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
